Letting Go
by Mockingbird Quester
Summary: Sarek forces Amanda to face the fact that their son is growing up. Warning: extended breastfeeding, as in, a five year old Spock nursing. I attachment parent, so don't read this if that weirds you out please ;


_Kink meme prompt: Humans can breastfeed children until they're like 5. So lets assume that Vulcans can too, because it's only logical that a mother be able to provide for their children in such a harsh environment. So Amanda keeps breastfeeding Spock even though on Earth it'd be weird to have your 5 year old still doing some reason Sarek finds this hot. So he sticks Spock w/ something to knock him out while he's feeding and while he's unconcious, Sarek has his way with Amanda. (I left out the Spock still being in bed with them. Sorry, too kinky for me)_

For the past five years, nearly every night, Amanda's small family had followed the same routine. After a family dinner, she or Sarek gave Spock a warm sponge bath. They went up to their family bedroom, where Amanda would read him from a favorite Earth children's book, of which she had amassed quite a collection. Then Sarek told a Vulcan tale from memory, during which Spock would start to look heavy lidded and would reach for his mother silently. She would shift her nightgown so he could nurse until he dropped away with soft, sleepy sounds.

It was the one time when she wasn't constantly being reminded that she had agreed to raise her son as a Vulcan child. A time of peace when she wasn't being told to smile at him less, or not try to make him laugh or to touch him less. All the small things a human mother took for granted the early years of her child's life she had only been allowed with Spock his first two years. After that, his Vulcan childrearing had taken over under Sarek's guidance. All she had left were small cuddles out of his father's sight that Spock sometimes would pull away from but more often would initiate himself. She knew he had a human child's need to touch and be touched, but that didn't seem to matter in the face of his father's people's more logical childrearing practices. As far as they were concerned, he was old enough to be taught to control his emotions and desires. Even the desire to simply hug his mother.

However, although they often treated their children as small adults, there was one physical comfort Vulcan children were allowed until they weaned themselves or were deemed too mature to do so. It was considered logical to allow a child to nurse as long as possible, as a leftover cultural residue from when Vulcan was a harsh, desert planet where every day of additional liquid or nourishment would be encouraged.

Amanda was grateful for the tradition. It fed her human need for touch and her son's as well. Yet, she knew that she couldn't continue breastfeeding him each night and morning forever, just as she knew that eventually he would move to his own bed in his own room.

Still, she hadn't expected the moment to come so soon. Maybe any time of his life would have felt that way. He grew up so quickly.

There was no warning or discussion from her husband. One night he simply watched as five year old Spock nursed to sleep, then Sarek picked their son up from her side, and carried him out of their bedroom into the room beside him. It was his way of saying that Spock was too old to stay with them each night or continue breastfeeding.

She knew there was no use in arguing as she followed and watched him place Spock in the bed he had made ready with blankets and realized that the glowing stars on the ceiling of the bedroom and the small communicator by the bed had not been there a few days before.

Amanda didn't realize there were tears running down her face until Sarek reached out to brush them away.

Although she knew it was futile, she still had to give voice to her thoughts.

"He's my baby Sarek…"she sobbed softly, not wanting to wake their son.

Sarek's expression did the subtle shift from concerned to slightly amused and motioned to the boy laying across the bed. "He is hardly an infant anymore wife," Sarek stated, motioning to the boy's long legs that Amanda was only just realizing were suddenly impossibly long. When had he hit another growth spurt?

Amanda moved to gently tuck a blanked around him, and Spock moved into the touch but didn't awaken. They left the room quietly, leaving the door between their rooms open.

It was a measure of how surprised he was at her strong reaction that her husband actually held her as she cried. He seemed at a loss as to how to comfort her, so he simply explained his logic in the cessation of their nighttime routine.

"Amanda, In only a few Terran months, Spock will begin his formal education, and in only 2 more years, Spock must take the Kahs-wan.. He must be strong to survive that, wife or he may not survive."

He looked puzzled at her continued sadness as he continued, "You have done your duty in allowing him to suckle so long."

That made Amanda laugh a bit harshly,"Vulcans! There was no duty involved, my husband! Having him so close and needing me was enjoyable."

"I see," Sarek, replied, with that serious, thinking expression that she had long ago learned to distrust.

"Then perhaps you will need another to take his place?" he questioned.

At that, her Vulcan husband bent down and gently sucked on one of her swollen nipple until she was moaning softly.

"I have missed hearing such sounds from you" he noted, his voice entirely too satisfied with her reaction.

Then he was moving over her, obviously intent on a more intimate joining. She made a token protest.

"Sarek, the door is open! If Spock wakes…"

"He will sleep soundly tonight. I placed a sleeping suggestion in his mind, as well as gave him a natural herb that produces slumber before bed. He will need these things a number of days, until he is used to sleeping in a different environment."

"Sarek! You drugged our son!!" Amanda exclaimed, not sure whether to laugh or feel outraged.

"That is what I said wife. Now I would prefer you kiss me and allow us the private use of our bed for a change."

Then there was no more need for words, and Amanda thought that perhaps he had been wishing for more intimacy between them at night the past few years. Not that there hadn't been times they traveled alone or found use for the many other beds in the guest quarters, but obviously Sarek had missed having their own bed to themselves. Amanda wrapped her arms and legs around Sarek, and let herself just feel.

Later, and they lay holding clasped hands together in the darkness, they conversed softly.

"I have pondered that perhaps Spock would benefit from a sehlat? A living animal would be useful in allowing him a playmate and encouraging more confidence for Spock when he is outside our household."

So much for the emotionless father ignoring his son's possible anxiety. Amanda knew her Vulcan well.

"Hmm… Could it sleep in his room at night so he would not be alone?"

"That is not the purpose for my suggestion, but it could be of benefit to our son's sleep patterns." Sarek muttered defensively.

"Of course." Amanda responded demurely, glad he couldn't see the twinkle of amusement in her eyes.

There was a long pause between them, then fingers touching gently to each other. "It will be alright, won't it?" she said softly.

"All things change, my wife. He must be allowed to mature."

"I know my husband."

"You are still his mother, even if he will not need you to see to his emotional needs."

"I know that too, but I will miss the time we were so close to one another."

"I will look back on those memories with longing as well, despite the illogic of such emotion."

"Noto ta? I'm glad, Sarek."

For the first time in five years, Amanda slept without her son curled against her chest, and without hearing the soft sounds he made in the night. Yet she found herself cradled against her husband's side, pillowing her head on his chest, in the manner she always had prior to their son's birth.

'Everything changes," she thought. 'Spock will grow up and leave one day, but I will always have this man. If the way he wants to raise our son results in a man like himself, then I can't fault it, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt.'

Letting go of her fears, knowing her son lay safe in the next room, Amanda closed her eyes and slept.


End file.
